3 Things Parents Should Know About Child/Teen Therapy
If you are a parent who is thinking about taking your child to a therapist, you might be wondering how you can be as helpful and supportive as possible, ways to prepare yourself and your family for meaningful change, and what is important to know about therapy before you get your child/teen started.
I’ve worked with many children and families over the years, and I’ve met many parents who had never met a therapist or brought their child to one. I know that therapy can feel like a step into the unknown. This post will cover 3 important things for parents to know about therapy for their child/teen.
With rates of anxiety and depression in youth steadily rising and rates of parental mental health and well-being steadily lowering, therapy is a vital resource that can provide support for the whole family.
This post includes:
How to best support your child in therapy
Some DO’s and DONT’S for parents with a child in therapy
How to work well with your child’s therapist
What parents should know about teen therapy
What parent involvement with your child’s therapist may look like
1. Take Your Time to Find the Best Fit
Finding the right therapist for your child or teen is an important step. Doing research to find a therapist in your area who not only specializes in what your child/teen is experiencing but who also meets other criteria - fees, location, in-person or virtual availability - can take time. Scheduling a consult call can help you get acquainted, discuss concerns or questions, and determine fit.
Not all therapists you contact will be the best fit for your child/teen, and there are some red flags to be aware of.
One that I’ve noticed is that some therapists list art therapy on their online directory profile, without having any training or licensure. This is unethical and potentially harmful. As an art therapist, I know that becoming a fully credentialed art therapist requires rigorous training and specific licensure requirements. I also know that when parents come across art therapy, they’re excited - finding a highly specialized form of therapy that appeals to youth is often relieving.
This is misleading for someone who is bravely seeking support.
It pains me to know that some therapists are willing to misrepresent themselves in an effort to attract a certain demographic or presenting issue.
So, don’t hesitate to ask questions about therapists’ training, licensure, specializations, and expertise around any method of treatment. Parents should be able to obtain clear, honest information and feel secure and relieved about moving forward.
2. There are Some Do’s and Dont’s
Do:
Research. Scroll back up to read about this important point.
Use developmentally-friendly language when explaining what therapy is to your child. A therapist can help with this.
Include your child/teen in the decision-making process. Giving choices helps youth have a say, and can help increase intrinsic motivation.
Explore your own areas of growth.
Therapy for children almost always will involve some shifts within the family unit.
Parents may need to explore their patterned responses and do their own work to form healthier habits.
Engaging in your own therapy can support you and allow your child/teen feel supported as well.
Give your child/teen privacy as they navigate therapy.
Know that therapists will share confidential information only if a child or teen is in physical or emotional danger.
Communicate. Your child’s therapist will only benefit from hearing about what’s happening at home.
Trust your preferences - cultural competency, age, gender, specific training - what makes you feel most comfortable, matters.
Trust the process. Therapy can take time. Everyone opens up and feels comfortable at different rates, and works through their challenges differently.
Connect with your child and nurture your relationship. Your therapist can help if you are having trouble connecting with your child.
Don’t
Connect therapy with threats or consequences.
“I’m going to tell your therapist about this” or “If you don’t go to therapy, I’m going to take away your tablet this weekend” will not motivate your child to go, and can negatively impact the therapeutic relationship.
Let negative assumptions hold you back.
Going to therapy never means you are flawed, weak, or broken.
Diagnosing isn’t the goal of therapy.
Having a past negative experience or hearing about someone else’s doesn’t mean your child/teen will also experience that.
Expect detailed accounts of your child/teen’s sessions. Therapy requires privacy, trust, and safety to be effective.
Assume that play, art, or other forms of creative self-expression are silly, childlike, or somehow not powerful conduits to communication, insight, and self-awareness.
Stay with a therapist that makes your child feel judged, unsafe, misunderstood, embarrassed, or frequently uncomfortable for any reason.
3. Support is Specific
Therapy requires many utilizing many resources, such as time, energy, finances, and learning. Providing this support over time means that one essential fact needs to be in place…
Parents need to be ready to fully commit.
Just as missing vital medical treatments would impact your physical health over time, ensuring your child attends consistent sessions allows for progress. Missing appointments can impact progress. For this reason, consistency is key to therapy.
Having a child/teen in therapy may also require parents to attend their own sessions, try out different approaches, explore thoughts and behaviors, and learn new skills.
With teens and pre-teens, it’s important to respect their need for independence. Teens need space to explore their identity; separating from their parents is a natural part of that process. They’re often more guarded about what goes on in therapy (and in other areas of their life); this doesn’t mean they’re not doing the work. Expressing nonjudgment and curiosity and practicing active listening are helpful ways to connect.
Your child’s therapist will offer ways to support you as a parent and may ask you to join in on a session or two, or for a portion of a session. I welcome parents’ sharing of updates, concerns, wins, and challenges between our sessions. Parents might need to work on some of their own challenges- this is often not only healing for them but often supports the well-being of the whole family.
Summary
If you are seeking a therapist for your child, take your time and research therapists in your area who have specific training and experience with what your child or teen is going through. Involving your child in the process can help minimize anxiety and promote a sense of mastery. Knowing how the therapist plans to check in with you and what you need to know to best support this process can help.
If you are struggling with certain reactions or patterns of behavior as a parent, there’s also support for you. Therapy can take time, but the investment is often priceless.
I provide art therapy to children and teens in Montclair, NJ. I also provide virtual art therapy sessions for clients in other parts of NJ and NY. If you are interested in art therapy for your child or yourself, reach out.
