3 Ways Art Therapy Can Help with Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
Have you ever struggled with:
Feeling frozen after making a mistake, thinking it’s pointless to continue to create?
Excessive worry about what others think of you or your work?
Setting goals that are unattainable, so you never begin to pursue them?
Ignoring your wins or progress to focus on the losses or setbacks?
Anxiety that if others really knew you, they would leave or judge you?
Perfectionism is exhausting. It often asks us to upkeep appearances that we have it all together while we really feel like falling apart or giving up. It may also hold us back from seeking help from a professional, or speaking with someone we trust because we fear how we will be judged, perceived, or dread that our flawed, messy reality will be “found out” or exposed for scrutiny. Perfectionism doesn’t want us to feel comfortable in our shared humanity, because it tells us that we have to be more.
Except… it’s never really enough.
In this post, I’ll highlight a few ways that art therapy offers a unique approach to navigating perfectionism and the fear of failure.
1) The Process is the Focus
Art therapy focuses on the process – the thoughts, associations, feelings, memories, etc. that come up while creating - not the product. The outcome isn’t the emphasis. Through the process, we learn that our worth is intrinsic; it’s not tied to our productivity or skillset.
This emphasizes more playful exploration and less worry. Art therapy isn’t about being “good” at art (whatever that means) or giving up if we don’t do it “right” (see last parenthesis) which are often at the core of perfectionism. Failing and making mistakes are both parts of the creative process. Rebuilding is, too.
I recently tried something I found very challenging…
Throwing pottery on a wheel. I was just starting to get the hang of it, when one week, I couldn’t center any of my pots. Now, this was a three-hour class, and I spent the better part of it using my sponge to clean the wheel off so that I could try again (and again, and again…) then, I wondered:
Why am I doing this?
Why am I failing over and over?
That week, the news weighed heavy on my heart. As I cleaned my wheel off for the 90th time, I had this thought: some moments of our life are for cleaning the wheel - preparing, organizing, resting - and other times are for building the pots - active, engaged work. Both are equally important.
I realized a simple but powerful truth about the creative process:
It will always support us in more awareness and insight if we listen.
I had no outcome or product that week but what I took with me from that class, in particular, relates directly to my next point.
2) Building Self-Compassion
My pottery class story (above) is my most recent experience of how artmaking can produce more self-compassion than self-judgment. We just have to create space and try not to over-identify with our mistakes, negative thoughts, and failures.
But our inner critic often steps in to tell us all sorts of things that keep us in a place of fear and rigid beliefs.
In art therapy, we explore those thoughts and sensations that arise while creating, which are often harsher than we realize. We might have old fears or beliefs about ourselves that we still carry, which color our self-perception and behaviors. We often examine these with compassion and work to integrate new ways of being into our lives.
For perfectionists, there can be a lot of isolation in the belief that we’re flawed somehow, and if we can just get it “right”, we’ll be fine (until the next thing we have to do perfectly). Through artmaking, we connect intuitively with our pain and fear, and we’re able to release it safely. This process brings us closer to our shared humanity and the understanding that none of us is perfect nor should we try to strive for it.
It’s in our imperfection that we are most human, alive, and authentic!
Perfectionism wants us to be striving for some unattainable goal; creating can help bring us into the compassionate realization that we’re enough.
3) Responding to Your Inner-Critic
You know that feeling when your inner critic really begins to take hold of a situation?
Probably not.
Let me explain. All of us have an inner critic, but the voice (which developed in childhood) has been around for a while. We become used to it.
It might sound like…
I’m always messing up.
I look horrible.
I’m so stupid.
I’m too sensitive.
I’m not good enough.
We might speak to ourselves in pretty hurtful ways without even realizing it. Of course, this can push us into perfectionism or exacerbate our fear of failure.
The inner critic tends to come out when we’re dealing with shame, guilt, embarrassment, or other strong emotions.
Even in life’s most painful moments.
I once knew someone who lost their dog after spending nearly 15 years together. When they were telling me the story, they said, “I need to be over this by now. I can’t believe I’m still so upset!” When I asked how long ago they lost their beloved pet they said, “a week ago”.
The inner critic isn’t usually loud, blaring, or easy to spot. It’s adept at integrating itself with our everyday thoughts. You should be over this by now. Are you serious? You’re flawed. It’s a pet. Get it together and move on.
It can be tough to simultaneously acknowledge its presence while choosing not to accept what it says as fact. You again. I see that you’d like me to be healed after a week. Thank you for sharing. I will be taking all the time I need. Goodbye!
The inner critic almost always plays a role in perfectionism and fear of failure. In art therapy, we learn to interact with it in new ways. When we begin to explore and go closer to it, it typically has a lot less to say. This practice is what helps us continue to heal over time.
