How Do I Explain Therapy to My Child?
Talking to children about therapy can feel tricky.
This post will help answer some of the most common questions I receive from parents, including:
How do I explain therapy to my child?
Do I use the word “therapy”?
Should I call a therapist a “feelings doctor”?
Can I say art therapy is an art class or that an art therapist is an art teacher?
I don’t believe that there is one right or wrong way to approach this conversation. You know your child and what they will respond to better than anyone. The purpose of this post is to give you some options and suggestions to consider so that you can choose what feels most comfortable for you and your family as you navigate this conversation.
This post is deeply inspired by the work and words of Lisa Dion, a brilliant play therapist, whose podcast for therapists I’ve loved and listened to for years. She’s passionate about a neuroscience-informed approach in working with children, and you can check out her website here.
A Brief Check-In
Take a moment to consider the following questions:
What does therapy mean to you?
Do you believe in therapy?
What feelings come up for you when you think about getting your child started in therapy?
Any assumptions, fears, or concerns?
How parents are feeling about therapy matters. It’s not uncommon for parents to experience some fears or concerns about bringing their child to therapy. It’s important to first check in with your feelings because they will come through in your communication - verbally and nonverbally - with your child. Checking in with yourself will help you in identifying any thoughts or emotions that might influence the conversation you have with your child about therapy.
“Inviting our thoughts and feelings into awareness allows us to learn from them rather than be driven by them.”
Remember that therapy isn’t meant to fix anything because nothing is broken. Therapy is a nonjudgmental, safe space to explore and build upon strengths, learn new skills, increase insight and self-awareness, and process feelings and experiences in a safe and developmentally-appropriate way.
Give yourself compassion and space as you explore your feelings.
An Essential Component
Trusting the process of therapy and understanding that it is a beneficial, safe, and inherently positive growth experience for children is essential.
Therapy is a gift for children. It’s an experience that provides undivided attention to help them grow and flourish. They have control and learn essential skills that translate outside of the therapy room. It’s a space for them to process big emotions, learn, practice, prepare, and problem-solve. I truly wish everyone could experience art therapy because the creative process is so foundational to emotional and psychological growth and development.
“It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.”
Art therapy provides an opportunity for children to develop and grow through developmental challenges and experience the safety of a relationship where they can explore anything. Whether a child has gone through something traumatic or they are experiencing the ups and downs of development (which are very real and challenging) art therapy provides a space for them to gain tools and learning they will take with them through life.
Parents’ attitude toward therapy being an invaluably positive experience for their child (no matter the presenting concern) - is an essential aspect of the outcome.
Informality and Safety
An informal approach to talking about therapy with children encourages safety.
You might want to refer to art therapy as “special art time/playtime”. Age and developmental stage are considerations here. You can use the word “therapy” if you prefer. Sometimes, parents ask me if they can call art therapy “art class” or refer to me as an “art teacher”. The potential here is that some children might connect these terms to academic associations - grades, judgment, evaluation, a memory of a teacher, etc. - which aren’t always completely aligned with the approach and goals of art therapy.
“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct.”
Calling a therapist a “feelings doctor” may also elicit certain associations (or even fears), depending on the child. It might also send the message that feelings need to be fixed or require specific treatment, just as a child would go to the doctor when they’re sick. If you use this term, giving more context could be helpful.
Last but not least, approaching the discussion about therapy with your child works best during a calm and comfortable moment. You don’t want to link therapy with conflict or consequence.
I typically encourage parents to use my name and describe me as someone who loves to make art and play - below is an example script of what that might sound like.
Explaining Therapy to Your Child
Think about something you’d be genuinely excited to share with your child, and take that energy into your conversation about therapy. It should feel casual, playful, and positive.
“I met this really cool lady named Jackie. She’s a fun, creative person who loves making art, creating different things, and playing. She has a whole office that’s just full of art materials and toys - I went to visit and it’s amazing. I thought it would be so fun if you got to see her office and had some special time with her just to play and make anything you want. She knows how to make art with kids and when things feel tough she even knows how to use art and play to help kids feel better. What do you think?”
Depending on your child, you can add something like, “Jackie is someone who is going to help us all figure out new ways to be. She uses art/play with other families who are also experiencing [presenting concern]. She’s going to help all of us through this.”
“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.”
Of course, you can add or change the script as needed. Above all, being genuinely excited to share about therapy with your child is one of the most important parts of talking about therapy!
If Your Child is Hesitant
Children with anxiety or worries about trust/safety can benefit from a sensation of familiarity before stepping foot into the art therapy office. This preliminary exposure might look like photos of the space, a video, navigating the website together, etc.
You can say something like, “I know you really love [art material, specific toy] which I saw in her office - she also loves that. When I met her, I took a few pictures. Want to see some?”
When I worked in a children’s hospital, I would often help orient my young clients to the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and tactile elements of the medical space. This decreased their anxiety and gave them a sense of control.
“Today is a good day to try.”
Similarly, I encourage parents to share anything that their child is particularly fond of, so that I can take a photo of it in my office. Seeing a picture of me can also help them feel more comfortable when they come in to meet me.
Many children need support around transitioning into new spaces. When they enter the office and notice familiar and recognizable things, it helps alleviate a lot of the anxiety and creates a sense of safety and trust.
Everyone is Involved
Your child won’t be the only one that’s engaged in the therapy process. Therapy with children involves the whole family. You can share with your child that you will also have special art/playtime with me and that I am going to help you be the best parents you can be.
Children typically respond to this positively. I also share and talk about this with children in sessions to invite them to share any thoughts or feelings about me meeting with their parents.
Summary
Before speaking with your child about therapy, check in with your own feelings about what therapy means to you. Therapy is a gift you give your child - no matter if they are coming in with trauma, grief, or struggling with typical ups and downs of childhood - they are given the opportunity to learn, explore, process, and heal. There is an example script (above) that you can reference.
Therapy is a positive and enriching experience for children, so connect it to excitement and possibility. Connecting therapy with threats or consequences creates a negative association that can disrupt safety and trust.
Children are engaging in social-emotional learning that makes up skills they’ll have for life when they are in therapy. If you are considering art therapy for your child, reach out. I provide art therapy in Montclair, NJ, and the surrounding area, as well as virtually for clients in New York and other parts of New Jersey.
