10 Tips to Help Your Child Through Transitions
In my work as an art therapist, I meet many young clients who struggle with transitions - getting ready for school, brushing teeth before bed, putting the phone away to do homework - there’s many ways that transitions invite discomfort and emotional responses. Children might respond with mild frustration or they may feel a level of overwhelm that leads to frequent emotional or physical tantrums.
Parents often start to anticipate these responses, and the anxiety then becomes felt by everyone. Many parents share with me that certain transitions have become so anxiety-producing that they feel at a loss for what to do. Other parents are tired from the power struggles and negotiations that tend to take place around these moments.
Transitions can get better with time, practice, and patience. This post will focus on ideas for engaging and creative ways you can use to support your child through transitional moments.
1. Storytelling and Books
Get some books about transitions. Whether you’re anticipating an upcoming transition to be challenging or it’s already happening, get an age-appropriate books that cover specific transitions (e.g., going to school, moving into a new home, going to the dentist) to read with your child.
Parallel Stories: Try making up a story that reflects your child’s experiences with transitions, with a positive outcome. Or, try using yourself as the main character: tell your child about a time you faced a similar challenge, how you made it through, and what helped you along the way.
Stories and books help educate, normalize, open up a dialogue and encourage problem-solving about what your child is facing.
2. Make Art
Contain It: Create a special box that allows your child to keep special objects or toys in. You can adapt this as a “memory box” if you’re moving, a “feel better box” if there’s lots of big emotions, or a “wind down” box if sleep-related. It can help to create routines around these. It can help to keep the boxes slightly separate from daily activities to keep a “specialness” about them.
Feelings Collage: Have children create collages using pictures that represent their feelings about the transition.
Self-expression encourages children to release stress through externalizing their emotions.
3. Play
Role-Play: You can invite your child to play with toys, dolls, or action figures to act out the transition and come up with challenges and solutions. Play helps children anticipate and prepare, and it can feel easier to share feelings and experiences through a doll or toy. You can also simply invite your child to role-play themselves. Practicing the transition beforehand can reduce anxiety and help them feel more empowered.
Try Magic: Like the boxes mentioned above, imbuing something with a sense of “specialness” can go a long way. Magic can be associated with many objects, so the possibilities are endless. A magic bracelet that gives a child bravery, a special toy that fits in their bag to protect them, a powerful hat that keeps their thoughts positive, a magic hug (see below) that has the power to last a whole day - the list goes on!
Play can help children practice and prepare for any transition.
4. Movement and Music
Songs: Make a feel-good playlist for the time of the transition. You can invite your child to help with this!
Movement: Dancing to the playlist is an excellent stress-reducer, though any movement can help with children who feel anxious around transitions.
Music can foster a positive attitude and dancing/movement can reduce stress and resistance during transitions.
5. Keep It Structured
Visualize the Schedule: When a schedule isn’t completely known or if it changes, it can feel confusing and anxiety-producing for many children. Try a visual schedule. Go over it together so children know what to expect. It can be as simple as pictures on index cards that tell a visual story. I like to include a “surprise” card, in case something unexpected happens (e.g., a substitute teacher, a fire drill, a change in the weather) as some children benefit from extra support around any unexpected deviations from routine. (Bonus if the surprise card depicts a favorite character or superhero.)
Count it Down: A count-down calendar can help kids mark off each day leading to an event and do something fun in return. This can create a positive association and help kids feel empowered.
Implementing structure doesn’t need to be complicated. Screenshot some images, print a calendar or images if you have more time, buy supplies online, or draw it out on a paper.
6. Try a Mindfulness Activity
Guided Meditation: There’s many scripts online (or you can fill in your own, based on a script) that walk children through a situation and help them envision positive outcomes.
Breathe: Teaching children simple breathing techniques they can do doesn’t need to be boring. There’s bubble breathing, birthday cake breathing, hot chocolate breathing, balloon breathing… The list goes on!
Hug: 8-second hugs have been shown to reduce stress and release feel-good chemicals in our brain. With children, you can support them breathing and hugging mindfully - you can make it a bit magical, too, telling them they will absorb the powerful hug and it will stay with them for the whole day.
Mindfulness promotes calm and confidence.
7. Interactive Games
Verbal Games: I spy, color spotting (finding all the reds, blues, yellows, etc. around you), two truths and a lie, and would you rather? are all examples of interactive games that can support smooth transitions.
Make Coping Activities into a Game: Humming is a naturally calming activity that transitions well to a game - you can play guess the song, phrase, animal, etc. You can take turns blowing bubbles to see who gets the biggest one, or give your child a few objects to try and jump up to touch as you leave the house or see who can march to the car the fastest.
8. Reflect it Back
I Did It Photo: If your child is worrying about a specific transition and it goes well, try to capture the moment and keep it somewhere visible. If they have struggles with other transitions, ask them about a time they did something difficult, and use the photo as a reference.
Recap it: Tell your children the story of their transition. Include what they felt, how they coped, what they did, how it went. Even if it wasn’t ideal, recapping an experience as a story opens a door to talk for your child to talk about feelings as well as celebrate accomplishments.
Narrating a transition like it’s a story helps organize and synthesize information for children, and builds their capacity for internalizing a sense of strength or problem-solving capacity for the future.
9. Enlist Other Children to Help
Get a Buddy: Pair your child with another child who has gone through the transition already or who can be there to support them with help and advice.
Try Videos: There’s so many children’s video channels with content on many topics related to transitions: kindergarten, making friends, brushing teeth, going to a birthday party, etc. Children benefit from watching other children do things successfully. If you can’t find a video, ask a friend or coworker with a child around the same age to take a short video of them doing the desired behavior.
Seeing other children reflect back desired behavior helps many children who might be nervous with feeling more comfortable and confident.
10. Celebrate the Wins
Rituals for Transitions: A transition is an opportunity to create a strong ritual or routine that can offer more structure and connection. For example, if a child is struggling with bedtime, look for ways to improve structure (visual schedule, wind-down routine, turning off phones/devices, dimming lights, softening volume, listening to music, etc.).
Reward System: Implement a reward system for any milestones achieved during the transition period.
In Summary
A transition marks a time to say goodbye to one thing, and move on to another (often, less fun) thing. It can be very challenging for children to cope with the intense emotions that may come up. Children often need time to learn new skills to cope with their emotions and to feel more empowered around these moments of change.
Think about your own adult experiences with transitions: We all vary on how anxious and stressed we feel during certain times of change... leaving/returning from travel, birthdays, holidays, seasons, loss, new jobs, roles, housing, relationships. These moments call for slowing down and self-soothing, not pushing away emotions through numbing or ignoring or being overly harsh or critical. We need to understand and listen, not simply get over it or judge it. Children need the same compassion from us.
Transitions are a constant in life, and if your child needs some extra support in gaining the tools to navigate or if you feel like you would benefit from learning how to best support your child, reach out. I’m an art therapist in Montclair, NJ. I work with children, teens, and adults.
